In my two weeks of marriage, I’ve dicovered a few things that No One Tells You About Marriage. For instance, men think about home decor differently than women. This has resulted in something that I call the Nesting Wars.
Mark and I have conversations like this one about three times a day:
Mark: “Can we get something for this wall so that I can put stuff on it?”
Me: “No. There’s already something on that wall. You can’t have two pieces of furniture on one tiny wall.”
Mark: “Why not?”
Me: “Because it’s ugly.”
Mark: “So where should I put stuff?”
Me: “After I buy the dresser for the wall-with-the-window, I’ll move things around and then you’ll have a spot to put things.”
Mark: “Wait, we’re buying a dresser now? I thought you said we were almost done.”
Me: “I said we were almost done unpacking. We will never be done nesting. It’s is a force of nature that cannot be stopped. Sort of like a tornado.” I think he was impressed by the tornado analogy.
Of course, Mark is at a little bit of a disadvantage when it comes to the Nesting Wars because he has a job and is gone during the day. Because I am sort of unemployed at the moment, I am home all day. Some people take lunch breaks. I take Move-Everything-Around-Again breaks.
So every time Mark comes home, something has changed. Sometimes everything has changed. Which is really not very fair for Mark because there is no way to keep up with a tornado that strikes your house while you are at work.
It’s a good thing that I’m married to Mark at the same time that I’m unemployed because he doesn’t get easily distracted like I do.
Mark: “The house looks great. But don’t spend too much time on it. You should be writing.”
Me: “Maybe I need a title. Then people would take me more seriously.”
Mark: “You have a title. It’s ‘stay-at-home’wife’.”
Me: “Nobody will take me seriously if that is my title.”
Mark: “Then you should spend more time writing.”
Clearly, he’s going to want a share of the profits once my English degree produces the wealth and success my college advisors assured me it would.